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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in coldbloodedmonk's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
8:29 am
Ideal Economy

In my ideal economy, the theories of a Market System would be best suited to the needs of the people considering there is free-choice of product, free-choice of location, and free-choice of how things are done, and who they are done for. I have observed that most people, when given the choice, know exactly what is needed. If you let people have free-reign, they will be able to keep up a firm economy. This is also based off of Adam Smith’s theory, which states that people who are given freedom will act upon their own self-interest, but this will keep the economy going because helping yourself will help others in turn. This is how I see my ideal economy.

Brennan Christensen.
Friday, November 18th, 2005
9:22 am
Disturbed
no i'm not talking about my mental-state, although i very well could be disturbed in the head.




I'm talking about these guys. From left to right we have Fuzz(bass), Mike Wengren(drums), Dan Donegan (guitar), and David Draiman (Vocals)

They band formed in 1997 and later released their first debut album, The Sickness, in March of 2000, followed by Beleive in 2002, and their newest album 10,000 fists which was released just two months ago.

Disturbed has very heavy, sharp, and well-defined instrumentals to accompany David's Vocal tones, the likes of which have never been seen on the heavy metal front and can be imitated by none. Passion for the music is what Disturbed is all about. These guys can light a fire inside anyone who hears their verses, so while they may be Disturbed, it's very difficult to find their music disturbing.

Anyone who reads this has got to post, and if you're reading this and you're not a member, become one, then post. Now to finish off with some Disturbed Lyrics.


"Remember"

Sensation washes over me
I can't describe it
Pain I felt so long ago
I don't remember
Tear a hole so I can see
My devastation
Feelings from so long ago
I don't remember

Holding on, to let them know
What's given to me
To hide behind
The mask this time
And try to believe

Blind your eyes to what you see
You can't embrace it
Leave it well enough alone
And don't remember
Cut your pride and watch it bleed
You can't deny it
Pain you know you can't ignore
I don't remember

Holding on, to let them know
What's given to me
To hide behind
The mask this time
And try to believe

If I can
Remember
To know this will
Conquer me
If I can
Just walk alone
And try to escape
Into me

[whispering:]
Sensation washes over me
I can't describe it
Pain I felt so long ago
I don't remember

Im just holding on, to let them know
What's given to me, given to me
To hide behind
The mask this time
And try to believe

If I can
Remember
To know this will
Conquer me
If I can
Just walk alone
And try to escape
Into me
into me
into me
Friday, November 11th, 2005
9:07 am
KoRn
If you've ever heard the words 'heavy' and 'metal' in the same sentence, then you should know who KoRn is.





Their Greatest Hits volume 1. is a fantastic collection. It's packed with 19 KoRn smashes that will have you headbanging in no time.

They have a new album out next month called, "See you on the Other Side." The cd starts out with the new KoRn favorite, Twisted Transistor. It'll be their first album with their new record deal to Virgin Records after leaving the deal with Epic. It's produced by KoRn frontman Johnathan Davis, so we know that we can expect something awesome.

I'll end it with some good lyrics. Here's Trash off of there greatest hits cd, originally taken from the Issues Album.

"Trash"

How did it start?
Well, I dont know.
I just feel the craving.
I see the flesh and it smells fresh.
And it's just there for the taking.
These little girls they make me feel so god damn
exhilarated.
I feel them up, I can't give it up.
The pain that I'm just erasing.
I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can't help but rape them.
I'm sorry I don't feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I'm sorry I just throw you away.

I don't know why I'm so fucking cold?
I dont know why it hurts me.
All I wanna do is get with you.
And make the pain go away.
Why do I have a conscience?
All it does is fuck with me.
Why do I have this torment?
All I want to do is fuck it away.

I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can't help but rape them.
I'm sorry I don't feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I'm sorry I just throw you away.

I just throw you away.
I just throw you away.
I just throw you away.
I just throw you away.

Current Mood: inspired
Monday, October 10th, 2005
10:00 am
must... have... tp
no, i did not mean toilet paper when i said tp, i was talking about twilight princess. i'm going twilight princess insane. i can't wait for the game to come out, it's driving me nuts, and those nintendoid bastards aren't helping by pushing the release date back.

Yes i realize the added time will make for a better gaming experience, but i can't help but be a little torqued, because the longer they take, the longer we have to wait. oh well, i'm sure that the bonuses that are added during the extra period of time will surely be enjoyed, and in the end we'll all be glad for the better gaming experience.

Current Mood: distracted
9:27 am
need mo' members
okay guys, if you read this then you must join. join now! it's not gonna kill you. we know you love rock and gaming.so just go check it out, it's metal_nerd

Current Mood: really don't care
Thursday, October 6th, 2005
12:00 pm
METAL_NERD!!
Naruto_34491, and i have just made a brand new community called metal_nerd. It is a community where rock-loving hardcore gamers can post to their hearts content. But of course, no community is a community without members. So if you're reading this, and you're a hardcore gamer, then feel free to join. the link should be on my user info page.

Coldbloodedmonk

Current Mood: excited
Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
8:12 am
just needed to clarify
okay, you know what? i probably dug my own grave with that last post. And the moron sitting next to me says it's a pretty deep grave. I didn't mean that millie shouldn't hang out with dir en grey, or care alot about them, and especially summer, i know that summer comes waaay before anyone else. All i meant was that i've been going a little nuts lately, and yes it does have to do with millie, but it's seriously just my mind that has been going on autopilot, so it's just something i need to figure out for myself, so if you don't mind, please refrain from calling me 'childish' and just let me figure it out by myself. If you feel the need to talk to me about it though millie, feel free to do so.

In other news, my costume came on saturday, a WHOLE FUCKING WEEK after it was needed. but what's done is done i guess, there's not much that i can do about that now.

NINE INCH NAILS LYRICS

"Closer"

you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me I�ve got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to eat you like a danimal
I want to taste you from the inside
I want to eat you like a danimal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
I want to eat you like a danimal
I want to taste you from the inside
I want to eat you like a danimal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive

Current Mood: pick one
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
9:38 am
more lyrics
EVERLAST LYRICS

"What It's Like"

We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange
He ask the man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes
Get a job you fuckin' slob's all he replied

[CHORUS]
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said don't worry about a thing baby doll I'm the man you've been dreamin' of
But three months later he said he won't date her or return her call
And she sweared god damn if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the doors
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore

[CHORUS]
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]
I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
Smoked the finest green
I stroked daddies dimes at least a couple of times
Before I broke their heart
You know where it ends
Yo, it usually depends on where you start

I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late at night
Liked to get shit faced
And keep pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight
Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45
Talked some shit
And wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of his pain
You know it crumbles that way
At least that's what they say when you play the game

[CHORUS]
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]
To have to lose...


hey, it's nothing you didn't expect right? this is about all i've been posting lately, but that's just because there isn't much i have to talk about, and what i do have to talk about, i don't want to talk about.
Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
8:11 am
Lyrics!!
I just felt like posting the lyrics to songs that i hear that i can relate to, like usual, but this time that's all that it's gonna be.




Rise Against

Life Less Frightening

Suffering from something we're not sure of
In a world there is no cure for
These lives we live test negative for happiness
Flat line, no pulse, but eyes open
Single file like soldiers on a mission
If theres no war outside our heads
Why are we losing?

[Chorus: x2]
I don't ask for much
Truth be told I'd settle
for a life less frightening, a life less frightening

Hang me out to dry I'm soaking
With the sins of knowing
What's gone wrong but doing nothing I still run
time again I have found myself stuttering
Foundations pulled out from under me
This breath is wasted on them all
will someone answer me

[Chorus x2]

Is there a God tonight?
up in the sky or is it empty just like me (Just like me)
A place where we can hide out from the night
Where you are all I see (Where you are all I see)
So all he says, Goodbye, and close your eyes
Tell me what you see (Tell me what you see)
A life I sit inside this dream of mine
where you are all I see

[Chorus x2]


NINE INCH NAILS LYRICS

"Only"

I'm becoming less defined as days go by
Fading away
Well you might say
I'm losing focus
Kind adrifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself

Sometimes I think I can see right through myself [x3]

Less concerned about fitting into the world
Your world that is
Because it doesn't really matter
(no it doesn't really matter anymore)
None of this really matters anymore

Yes I'm alone but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because you never were really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself [x6]
And it worked.
Yes it did!

[Chorus]
There is no you
There is only me
There is no you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me

Only [x3]

The tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be scab and I had this funny feeling
Like I just knew it was something bad
I just couldn't leave it alone, picking at that scab
Was a doorway trying to seal itself shut
But I climbed through

Now I am somehwere I am not supposed to be, and I can see things I knew I really Shouldn't see
And now I know why (yea now I know why)
Things aren't as pretty
On the inside

[Chorus]

Current Mood: cynical
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
9:28 am
songs, feelings, bitching, etc.
i'm sitting here and typing with my hands covered in blood... God i love biology.

But anyways, I've just been having random thoughts for the past couple of days. Mostly just the usual basic 'what does it all mean' kind of thing. Like 'what the hell am i doing here?' or 'is there such a thing as having a soul mate?'

That's one that i want to talk about, the soul mate one. I want to know if there really is just that one person out there that we were meant to spend the rest of our lives with, or do we just find the most compatible source and live with it? And if there really is that one person out there for everyone, what happens if you never find them? Do you just die alone? do you just spend the rest of your life with someone who you weren't meant to be with?

How the hell do you know when you've found them though? I don't believe in love at first sight, not at all, because then you'd just love their looks, not the actual person, so i know that that's not it. And if there is such a thing as soul mates, could that be our individual purpose in life? Just to find that one person? So what happens if you find them really early in life, do you just find them and all that's left is death? I don't know, either way, it's confusing me to no end, and i should probably just put it out of my mind. I'm sorry if you read this and it made your brain hurt, i just needed to get that out.

Either way, let's end with a song. I like this one because it seems like no matter what's happening to me, I can always relate to this song. it also happens to be the only weezer song i like.

Say it ain't so (weezer)

Oh yeah
Alright

Somebody's Heine'
Is crowdin' my icebox
Somebody's cold one
Is givin' me chills
Guess i'll just close my eyes

Oh yeah
Alright
Feels good
Inside

Flip on the tele
Wrestle with Jimmy
Something is bubbling
Behind my back
The bottle is ready to blow

Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker

I can't confront you
I never could do
That which might hurt you
So try and be cool
When I say
This way is a waterslide away from me
That takes you further every day
So be cool

Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker

Dear Daddy,
I write you in spite of years of silence
You've cleaned up, found Jesus,
Things are good or so I hear
This bottle of Steven's awakens ancient feelings
Like father, stepfather, the son is drowning in the flood
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker

Current Mood: confused
Friday, September 16th, 2005
9:52 am
NDK is here!
It's the morning of ndk, and i'm uber excited. Who wouldn't be? But there are some things that i'm not happy about this morning, at all. For one, my costume never arrived, which sucks big time, not to mention it doesn't even make sense, i ordered it with what i thought was plenty of time, and the seller i bought it off of has a 97.8% complete satisfaction rate. Looks to me like i got that unlucky 2% left over, but of course, when it comes to my luck, that's to be expected. The other thing that pisses me off, is that even though it's the day of ndk, i'm sitting here in the school library posting, when, if my parents weren't such hardasses, i could be standing in line with millie and the rest of our group. Yes i know that standing in line doesn't sound much better then this, but right now, it's now about what i'm doing, it's about the people that i'm with.

Just thought i'd relieve some of the boredom,. it's so god damned worse when you're excited.

Uchiha Sasuke

Current Mood: and excited
Thursday, September 15th, 2005
8:15 am
more relient k
Relient K - The One I'm Waiting For Lyrics

The way that girl can break a heart
It�s like a work of art
And this is the worst part
She knows it

And she�s so confident
That she�s what everybody wants
But nobody wants
Her to know that

So fall back on all of your premonitions
And just learn to listen
To those that have more wisdom than you
And just stop
Putting so much stock
In all of this stuff
Live your life for those you love

And I�m still waiting for
You to be the one I�m waiting for

The way that girl can turn a head
Well she is such a threat
But don�t ever forget
She knows it

And she�s got it all
All figured out
And she won�t let you doubt
She knows it

I�m still waiting for
You to be the one I�m waiting for

Something tells me that this is going to make sense
Something tells me it�s going to take patience
Something tells me that this will all work out in the end


Yes, yes, i know it's the third relient k song i've posted in a row, but dammit if listening to these guys doesn't make me feel better, not that i need to feel any better now.

I finally told ino that i love her, it's true after all. it's really wierd though, we've only seen eachother in person twice, yet i've never felt this strongly about someone before. hell, i've never even told someone i love them unless it was a family member and i was just saying it back to satisfy them so they'd leave me be. I owe naruto my gratitude also, because even though i meant it fully, i never would've said it to her if he hadn't pushed me, and then i'd still be holding in this emotion. with how she's been wondering whether i care or not, i'm just glad i was able to tell her that i more than care for her.

uncharacteristically joyful right now,
Uchiha Sasuke

Current Mood: happy
Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
9:12 pm
more fitting relient k lyrics
"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

I watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the Pacific and
you might think I'm losing my mind,
but I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus]
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

[Chorus]
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
sinking up to the beating of my heart,
and I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can�t let that happen again
�cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus x2]
[Chorus]

Who I am hates who I've been
and who I am won't take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been�
cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I�m ready to try and never become that way again
�cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

Relient k's good at this, these lyrics also fit how i'm feeling.
there's not much more to say then that, the song says it for me

uchiha sasuke
9:03 am
ouch
Normally, i'd be stressing out about my costume right now, because ebay decided to be slow before ndk, but instead i'm trying to figure out how to let millie know i really care for her.

She thinks that she's not important to me, that i don't care about her, that i don't trust her etc. her thinking like that really hurts me. Frankly, there's not a moment of my day where i'm not thinking about her. I just wish i wasn't so rock-hard when it comes to showing my emotions. I care for her above anyone else, even above my best friend, but i can't seem to get that through to her.

If you've read her last update, you'd see that chouji's not helping. He doesn't know me, at all. I think he has some sort of issue with me dating her, either way, it's pissing me off, it's hard enough for me to show her how i feel without him telling her that i think she's unimportant.

I just really wish she'd trust me, especially when it comes down to how i feel. I want her to believe me when i tell her i care. I tend to be an ass when i'm online, and that's even more true now with the stress of ndk.

Millie, i just want you to know, that even though you probably think i'm only saying this stuff because of what you've been feeling lately, you're probably right,but just because i'm saying it because of that, doesn't make what i'm saying not true, it's completely true actually, i promise you. I've never felt this way about another living being. If you have a shred of trust in you for me, just please beleive that much.

Yes, i did see the part where chouji was saying that you couldn't trust what i said, because i'd probably just be saying that to get you to stop thinking like that. He's half right, i don't want you saying stuff like that, because it's really painful to me when you say stuff like that, but the reason i want you to stop saying stuff like that is because it's not true, i really care for you. The reason i've never said it before, is because i don't like taking emotional risks, i've always been afraid that if i put my heart out there on the line, it will only return with pain and sadness, so basically, i never said it because i always thought you wouldn't feel the same way about me.

Uchiha Sasuke

Current Mood: crappy
Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
8:09 am
Severly stressed
"Be My Escape"

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You


Seriously, you wouldn't know how well those lyrics fit how i feel right now. Ndk's just been coming down hard on me, and my parents really aren't helping. They're being their usual hard ass selves, and i just really can't deal with that right now.

Then again, i'm not really helping myself out either. I've never been good at coping with stress, and ndk's no exception. I haven't even started getting edgy with people, and i've already said things that i don't mean. It's probably not over either. I'm going to be my own downfall this week. for instance, i told millie that the only reason i was going to ndk was to get away from my parents, the only reason i said that was because they were my prime stress factor at the moment.

I promise everyone, i'll be alright when ndk gets here, but please, just bare with me til then.

Sasuke

Current Mood: tired
Monday, September 12th, 2005
9:26 am
next weekend
That had to be the most god awful boring weekend of my life. The hightlights of my weekend all included eating or drinking. i just don't know how it happens, i mean, during summer you don't think you could get anymore bored, but then wham, it hits you like a ton of bricks and you just weren't expecting it.

You'd think that there would actually be something good to come out of the weekend before ndk. i felt like one of those people who go through a bad break-up or something, but nothing bad happened to cause it. I fit the picture perfectly though. lounging around in sleepwear, unshowered, unshaven, and normally seen carrying around a carton of ice-cream, i was a mess, but i was bored so don't judge me.

I still can't wait til next weekend though. Except for the fact that my mom wants me to take first period on friday. Screw that, there is no way in hell that i am taking that class on friday. I mean, what the hell is the point of just going to biology, if she just calls me in, then it's excused, so then there's absolutely no collateral damage. My grades don't drop, my attendance is still counted, and it shows up as excused. There is just absolutely no reason for me to catch that class on friday.

Oh, and if you watched naruto on toonami, that wasn't naruto, i can promise you that much. I don't know what that was, but it wasn't naruto, i didn't even see it, i just heard it over the phone, but what i heard was crap. Oh well, there's always a point where we have to move on i guess, which i already have. whoo bleach!!

All i have to say to the producers of bleach, is after the naruto incident, if i see a bleach contract make it's way to the states, the world will pay dearly.

On another note, that's already been previously discussed, but i'm excited, sue me. It's only four days til ndk, and the best part of that is i get to see millie. And i know she's not nearly as excited to see me, as i am to see her which is a given, but still. three days (if i can get my mom to give in, which i will) of all anime, video games, lack of sleep, people! oh wait, people..., dammit, it's a good thing they're gonna be geeks or else that would probably ruin my whole weekend, but otherwise, that's just about covers everything i live for. So yeah, it should be good time, which i could use right about now.

I'm like freaking out over this, i mean i'm hyper, which isn't good, and i'm in school, which really isn't good. Add those two factors together, and just let me tell you...it's not good.

too hyper for his own good,
Uryuu ishida quincy, Uchiha Sasuke, Dumbass, whatever you wanna call me

Current Mood: excited
Saturday, September 10th, 2005
9:25 pm
here is the english translation to the second ending of bleach (thank you!!)
To all the people who have supported me..
This heartfelt rhapsody goes out to you
To send you my feelings of appreciation
Thank you...I really thank you
Wherever you may be,
I'm grateful for you

When the town was dyed red with twilight,
I found myself casually strolling the streets
As evening comes, more people come and go,
And I stopped for a moment
My cell phone went off, as though to fill
This gap that opened up in my heart
You are not alone, for you see
We all will support one another...

One day now
When I was feeling troubled,
And frightened of the future
You were there, though you said nothing
You softly reached out your hand to me
My sadness diminished to one-half
My happiness swelled twice over
If our places were reversed,
I promise that I will come rushing to your side

Far away, far away, no matter how far you are
Within the time that flows by
The memories of the times we spent together
Will never ever disappear
To my friends, and family, and girlfriend
And all the people I've come to know
Thank you...because of you
I can step out with confidence

Nobody can go on living just on their own
We each take care of one another
And talk it over when we misunderstand each other
I wanna throw my head back and laugh together
And yet why do we sometimes insult each other
And hurt one another
I love you so much it's almost silly
It's a little embarrassing, but I really mean it

Maybe everyone's unusually shy
And face-to-face, it's so hard
To say anything
You actually wanna say something
But something gets in the way, and you play it off
On occasion we should let it all out
For in words there resides a strange power
It's so easy, I'll start it off
We can do it

I will be there
Just forever
Just like you were there for me

*repeat*
Friday, September 9th, 2005
7:48 am
an understanding
nande? the most difficult question to answer in the history of the world. And if you don't know the translation of the word, then you obviously shouldn't be reading my journal, because if you are truly my friend, or someone i want to have reading this journal, you'd know atleast that much.

as i was saying though, that word is the basis question. whether it's a two-year-old asking why the handle on the toilet makes the water disappear, a suicidal business man who wants to know why his life is so damn hard, or if it's just a confused teenager wanting to know why we're down here.

but you'd think that the question why, being one of the most common, abstract, and hardest to answer questions would have a purpose. there is no purpose though, knowing why doesn't help us move on in any way, it doesn't change the fact that what knowledge is gained about the subject after the question, doesn't change the subject's facts in any way shape or form. The only reason the word why exists, is out of sheer curiosity, the life trait of not being able to stand not knowing something that we know we don't know.

People talk about closier after a loved one passes on. they believe that knowing why will help them move on. but knowing why someone died, isn't going to change the fact that they're dead. The only way it could help is if why was a prediction before the fact. in other words, if we could see the future, why would have its purpose.

The fellow students at my school ask me why all the time. You want to know 'why'? it's because i like to have things around my neck, like my pooka shells, my dog collar, my headband, and my headphones. Atleast, that's what you hear in the physical form, but the real thing they are asking is 'why are you different?, why don't you follow the crowd?'

You see sci-fi movies where humans are bred to be exactly the same, and people are always thinking about how much of a hell that would be. They should know, they practically live it. Most humans today base themselves off of society's view of the perfect human. You know, you've seen the magazines. there's no such thing as the perfect human, and there never will be, to be perfect, or without flaws, is to be without a soul. everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their own annoying personality traits, but god dammit, why do we try to hide it?, there's nothing shameful in being a human being. the human race as a whole is shitworthy, but as an individual, take some pride in yourself. you are who you are, and you just have to live with it, if you can't, then you've failed, but i won't go into that since i already covered that yesterday

Ishida Sasuke

p.s. don't be wierded out by the name, i made a hybrid name, mixed between uchiha sasuke, who i cosplay this year, and uryuu ishida quincy, who i plan to cosplay next year.

Current Mood: calm
Thursday, September 8th, 2005
11:04 am
what the hell?
Dude, i didn't know you felt that way. Even so, i'm not going to change my ways, because you have it all wrong.

For one, i'm not trying to act badass, but even if i was, you have to admit i have a good reason after a single status stretch of three years.

For two, i'm not all excited that she'll listen to me, for two reasons, one, i doubt she would, and two, i don't care if she does or not, i just wish people would stop telling me that she would.

For three, on the trust issue, you have it backwards, she's actually the one who helped me trust you, she broke the last barrier of me not trusting you, she pointed out that there is absolutely no reason for me not to.

For four, i don't push you around for the hell of it you know. i push people around because i've gotten tired of being pushed around, so now i push back, you just happen to always be caught in the crossfire. and for that, i will for once, actually apologize, i know that you've been pushed around just as much, if not more then i have. so if i seem like i'm being a challenging son of a bitch, you should understand why better then anyone else.

and as for the last issue, i wish you'd tell me this things, i tell you every issue i have with you, or anyone else, if you can't tell me this kind of stuff, then it sounds like you're the one who doesn't trust me, not vice versa.

tarnished and a little hurt,
Uchiha Sasuke

that was a comment i tried to post to my best friends last update, but it wouldn't let me, so i'm putting it here instead
10:18 am
suicide
i got bored, again. so i figured i might as well talk about suicide, it's just a topic i've been meaning to get off my chest.

if you've ever thought about commiting suicide, or attempted it, then your thoughts were probably along the lines of, "oh, i have nothing to live for, i guess i'll just end it quick" if that's what you think, then you're just taking the easy road out. I for one, know that no matter what, i'll always have something to live for, and no one can take that reason away from me. do you happen to know what that reason is? I plan to kick life's ass, it can't take me down. if you commit suicide, then you've lost, you gave up, life beat you down without lifting a finger. do you think life cares if you die? it doesn't, at all.

With suicide, i can guarantee you, you aren't making anyone feel sorry for you. in my opinion, suicide takes one hell of an ego. god damn, get over yourself, since it's mostly teens who attempt suicide, none of us teens have even made a difference yet. if you kill yourself, all you've done is waste a life yet to be lived.

When i lived in wyoming, i had a friend named tim, i won't release his last name for private matters. Anyways, when we were in the 4th grade, his dad left for work one morning. he didn't really go to work though, instead he went to the elk refuge, and blew his own fucking brains out. you don't realize how hard it was for him to lose his dad. If i lost someone that i cared about because of suicide, i would be devestated, because they took they took the loser's way out. This guy left his own son all alone in the world, what kind of person does that? I mean, it's one thing to take yourself away from the people you love, and the people who love you, but he ripped himself away from someone who still needed him, and not just for emotional support. his dad took not only his own life, but the life of his son, if you ask me, that's pretty damned greedy. I know that if i had a son, and i had every reason in the world to die, i wouldn't.

Either way, what i'm trying to say by telling you that little story, is, if you aren't going to live for yourself, atleast live for the people who care about you. You'd just be hurting them, and what did they do to deserve that? they didn't want you to die, and what's even worse, is that you would have done it by choice.

The fact of the matter is life sucks, there's no denying it, but the constitution is wrong, we aren't supposed to live for the pursuit of happiness. That's not what life is about. Life is a challenge that we are pushed into whether we like it or not, but the only way to win in life, is to let it do it's worst, and take it like a true human. Trust me, if i can't think of a reason to die, there isn't one.

Uchiha Sasuke

Current Mood: disappointed
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